Sunday, May 28, 2017

How to Be Good in Bed

If you have to stay in bed so you don't disturb everyone around you who's sleeping, gather everything you think you might need beforehand to keep from having to turn on lights, open and close doors, stumble into things when you search dark rooms, and your only light is one of those round LED-lit things that you slap on and off. Don't talk to yourself, or cuss when you cut yourself or the top sheet, and do not spill any glue. Don't use the smelly paper cement. Use Lineco instead. Being an occasional insomniac isn't all that bad if you have things to take your mind off being awake while the rest of your known world is sound asleep. It's actually fun. You get to do whatever you like and be surprised by what you've done when you see it in the morning. *grin*

So, yes, you too can be good in bed. Simply respect everyone else who slumbers, and the world will get on with itself despite you. Because of you? Along with you. Yeah, "along with you" sounds much better. I'm living proof, I gotta tell you. You see, JC treated me to another meal from Chipotle yesterday, making it two days in a row. I can go months without eating anything from their Mexican grill, but then I crave it like I craved popscicles when I was pregnant. I'm a fan of their Sofritas bowl. Have you tried it? OMG. Oh, my goodness! Tofu never tasted so good! 

Friday's serving was perfect. Not as tasty although I ordered the same thing. I asked for an extra bag on Friday too. Ask and you shall receive. There's nothing special about these. I have saved and used better, but something is better than nothing, as long as it makes a fine letter sheath holder envelope. And, one can always hope. Great expectations make way for great realizations. 

I do like a company that has a sense of humor. I like a company that somehow knows the consumer will read their silly-fun-stuff offerings too. Artists are such cool people. CEOs with a sense of humor trust graphic designers and artists who also have a funny bone. And skills. Chipotle's burritos aka little burros aren't so little; it takes two sittings to eat just one, but oh, yum for the sum. I almost always have the Sofritas Bowl though.

You know how some restaurants make sure kids get crayons and a placemat to make art while they wait for food? It keeps them from being _________________s. Well, Chipotle does the same for old children aka adults who need to be distracted and entertained too. Read, eat, drink and be happy. 

But anyway? So, as I stood in the way while JC paid for my meal, he didn't want Chipotle, I happened to spy the plastic oval sewing baskets at the end of the line. They preened with a shiny waxed sheet of paper between each one. Well,  I wanted one to go. I asked, "May I have one of these?" The manager (?) told one of the line workers to bring over some new ones. My heart leaped! I actually thought he was going to give me many. Alas, he gave me a single sheet. Not wanting to seem greedy, I grinned and thanked him. Then I went around the corner from the counter and picked up a small stack of napkins to go. I'm a messy eater. I get extra points when I come home with a clean bosom. Sauce always drips.

Here's Friday's bag. I thought Fierro was an  Italian surname. I worked with a Fierro from NY once. We collided worked together in Colorado for about three years. An Italian-proud bleached blonde who said things like Riter instead of Rita, we had our moments and almost got fired one day when tempers flared. Texas and NYC were like oil and gas that day. I have met some of just about everyone during this lifetime of mine. And I am not ashamed to tell you that although I won a medal for spelling in the Interscholastic Spelling Bee one year, I just learned I've misspelled vinaigarette all my life. I spell it vinegarette. Wow. Live and learn for real, huh?

I'm saving the bag for now. Instinct suggest that I do so. But here's a shot of that single sheet of Chipotle paper. Liking the way it feels, I've stroked it, smoothed it, folded and unfolded it countless times already, and I still like it. Dear God, please let it be food safe. Thank you, Amen. 

It's wider than 11 inches so I should have used the scanner. But the scanner is in my studio and it's still not in a user position, or even plugged in.  I must tell you right away how much I like "The Wisdom of Burrito-eating Elders. Turns out I am one. And today a kid from the other next door hollered to his sister, "Stevie, there's an old woman wantin' to talk to you." It's the first time I've been called old, aside from JC who makes sure he's grinning when he calls me that. And Erin. Oh. And the neighbor across the street who happens to dye her hair because it's so gray. The wrinkles are a dead give-away but she's backstroking up the river Denial on her own some. I mean, she has about five grands while I have none. *hard eye roll* 

But anyway . . . I've read every word on this paper, and keep looking for an identifier and copyright symbol. I want to know who these burrito-eating elders are, seeing as how they are so cool in the funny department. And plus of pluses? The liner is as good as air mail tissue paper! No, it's stronger. Now who's the winner here? 

Ah! The movie, "Miss Potter" is on. Can you believe it? B is learning that "she should have no financial worries the rest of her life." 

Simple folds do a lovely envelope make. The only problem? Deciding where to place an address label. There are worst decision that need making, don't you think?

Bits of Burrito Elder Wisdom 

Um, really?

Spoons! You need a spoon.

My favorites. 

Yes, you can have fun while being good in bed. Start with whatever is on hand, bring a handful of possibilities, array them on top of the covers, and play by yourself. Follow your lead! You need not have a particular destination in mind. Go where the paper leads and the markers will follow. 

You might consider a napkin with a less jaundiced eye. See Free stationery! Don't be afraid to use markers. A little bleed does little harm. The joker might be wild but so are we. 
Write on. Wipe on and wipe out. Love much while you're at it.

Peace and Joy.


  1. OK. First of all I am laughing over the title of this post. I hope it doesn't attract any unwanted visitors but so funny. Second -- I LOVE that Chipotle paper -- you needed more than one sheet and Third I don't go to any chain restaurants here in SF but now you are making me want to -- for that paper at least........thanks for the laugh.

    1. I re-read the title several times, thinking "punctuation, spelling?" before I got it. :) I heard the boy next door promising his dad he'd be good. He still got a beating but the words stuck. The post title changed when I realized I try to be good too when I cannot sleep. I try not to disturb others who are. Thanks for making me laugh.

      LOL! JC just texted me. He left the house less than five minutes ago. Said he just saw a rooster crossing the road. I've tried to sell him on letting me have three chickens. He adamantly refuses because HE says our HOA would lock me away first.

      I do Chipotle because of the Sofritas. I like good tofu. They have the best fragrant brown rice I've ever had the pleasure of ordering/eating. Fast food is not something we eat a lot of but Chipotle does try to serve save, healthy , local food. Mercury levels in seafood make tofu the better alternative when we eat out. I hope you'll try the Sofritas Bowl at least once, keeping in mind to be selective with your add-ons. :) I imagine you choosing black beans over pintos, whereas I'm a pinto bean eater from childhood. LOL. I prefer the mild sauce over the salsa made from chopped, refrigerated tomatoes from Cali. I'm getting hungry!

      I'd pay for extra sheets! Had they given me more I'd send one to you.

      Laughter is good for the cheeks. Laugh often. :D