Sunday, August 23, 2015

Hold Your Horses!

Wishes are granted about as often as dreams come true. Sometimes they come before you even know they already have. I pined for this very stamp in a recent post ((a-little-herstory), not realizing I had it. I discovered it last night in the middle of cleaning another drawer. 

I spent several days searching for these, and  matching postcards. I should have bought them when I saw them! Guess where I found this one. I know, my guessing games are too easy. This, and the Overland stamp were safely tucked inside a tiny glassine envelope--in the same drawer. 

I have never visited the Alamo. I live within walking distance of longhorns though. I choose to drive when I want to visit, seeing as how there's no need to walk that far. If I had a cow I wouldn't eat it. I might milk it though, but then I'd be competing with her calf, so it's best that I don't have a cow. Besides, if I did, I'd need a bull, too, since I'm not into bovine IVF. I like the old fashion feel of this design. The only thing missing is a field of bluebonnets. Do you know some drunk tourist urinated on a portion of the Alamo's wall not so long ago, and boy did he step in it. What a thing to remember about a Texas landmark, but there you have it. Seems limestone and alcohol-laced urine do not play friendly, but the incident will make the tour guide's Alamo fact-sharing more interesting for tourists.

Jane Austen's "Emma," starring Gwyneth Paltrow is on in the background. Do you ever listen to dialogue without watching the images? The images, coupled with sound tend to paint a different story. Dialogue alone is a whole other trip. No matter. Ms Paltrow isn't very good. I'd hoped I could tolerate the movie long enough to catch a letter-writing scene to inspire me. "Ray Donovan" is far more interesting, being a repeat or not, although no one writes letters in "Ray Donovan." This entire weekend passed without me penning a single letter. I hope yours was a good letter reading-writing-mailing one. 

I've been wrestling with the moody blues the last few days, so I made it a point to get out and rub elbows with strangers the last few days. I bought three of Thomas Paine's books. In a nod to old Thom, I'm working on what will become a post or a journal with the title, "These Are the Times that Try a Woman's Soul." Mine is being sorely tried lately. Paine's words still resonate in today's political and personal climates, and he engages me completely. Common Sense is still filled with common sense that makes sense, but Thomas did not write any letters that I can share here. Phonelady did. Write a letter I mean. And she did a sweet thing--something that totally caught me off guard. She sent a sympathetic card that bears a this-too-shall-pass message, and she sent a card to my mother. I tried to play it off my saying I'd give it to my mom the next time I saw her. Telling you the truth of it still makes my throat try to cut off the emotional spigot that requires priming for tears. Crying is not required. My poor little mama is slowly forgetting herself. And things, and places and people. It's a natural progression in aging, but I don't know where she is. But, I have to believe that my sister loves our little mama enough to take good care of her. Thank you, Phonelady. Your act of kindness made such a difference that day. It helped me let go of a struggle that was sapping my peace of mind, my joy, my life, and widening a sink hole of depression that began as simple sadness. When life is dark, and your heart is heavy . . . there is no antidote. Living through pain goes hand in hand with joy. Both come into our lives to pass. One is hard. It's hard even if we don't fold. Sometimes all we can do is hold on. I'm holding.

Today I stuck this magnet to the side of the blue set of drawers I'm cleaning out-tying- organizing. I put it there twelve minutes ago. Yes, I bought it for a penfriend. Turns out I need it instead. Again. "One person can make a difference, and everyone should try," said John F. Kennedy. Sometimes, we don't even know we're making a difference. We simply act, with no thought of consequences. We seldom know when someone else is going through a difficult time behind the screen. 

My mom has been "missing" for awhile now. I could not bring myself to mention it here before, but it affects me at my core no matter how hard I try to keep calm and carry on. Mail blogs are meant to take us away from the daily grind of real life, right? If you read this, and not mention the mystery of my mom to me at all, I will feel less burdened. Why? I will feel less burdened, because a burdened shared is a lessened burden; therefore mine will have been diminished more times than I will know if you don't say anything. So, please. Shhh. I know you did not know. But, shhh. And, I promise to write, and do show-and-tells when I can. Until then, be well. 

Sincerely sincere,


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