What a way to mess up a great mail day.
No free rides! They should have to pay the going rate to mess up my Earth Day! Why should businesses get a break to earn even more money by getting a break on postage? Spam is all it is.
And what ever happened to truth in advertising? I want a free pre-paid cremation! And I want it in advance. Wait. How can it be free if someone has to pay for it first? No matter 'cause it won't be me. Return to sender!
Seriously. When I found this in our mail box my day dimmed for a long minute, although it's addressed to JC. They don't discriminate. I've gotten the letter before. And I believe in cremation. Until I wonder about the energy wasted incinerating a dense body. Still and all I applaud them for not contaminating our planet with embalming fluids that leak into the soil along with coffin materials that eventually break down. What's wrong with pine boxes and no embalming? Absolutely nothing.
That's what I believe. I also believe disposing of human remains has become a lucrative business with costs that can break a family. Grief clouds judgment. Funeral homes tend to manipulate grief to their advantage. As a result families tend to overspend on caskets no one will see again, clothing that serves no purpose, and jewelry thats forever lost, not to mention thousands spent on burials would be better spent on the loved one left. The living still have living expenses. I cannot see my loved ones pouring thousands of dollars into a hole in the ground. No way. So, I have a plan.
If I go before JC there will be not be pre-paid "hole." There will be no embalming, and I pray there's never a need for an autopsy. There will be no discussions about cremation or harvesting organs first. No. Not after my watch. You see? I have plans. My remains will go to the Body Farm. I want to be propped up against a tree, out in the open, left to return to the elements one day at a time. I will teach. Students will study me as I change and seep. My body fat will one day join other fossil fuels, and who knows, I might help fuel a Jeep. Or lube something. Or better yet? I will take my body with me when I leave. So, Neptune Society, save your paper, envelopes and postage. I am pre-disposed.
Dead letter mail, indeed! A nice writing prompt though.