Tuesday, June 21, 2011

How Do I Say "Thank you?"

Today I cried. I cried yesterday. I am crying now. I haven't been depressed in such a long time that I'd almost forgotten what it felt like. I think I'm depressed, but I'm happy, too. Maybe I'm just emotional. For so long I couldn't feel. I was too numb to experience pain or joy. Now I'm caught between two powerful emotions that are having their way with me, and I don't know how to regain control. Maybe I should just cry myself dry and get on with it?

I thought I'd cried it all out on Wednesday during my weekly session. Then O-Bird gave me her apple--right out of her lunch bag. When I got home I cried over that apple. Then I had it before I ate my dinner. I've been subdued ever since. Then these came . . .

I remember seeing this wonderful art on The Pen Thief's blog, and thinking how lucky the recipients were. I never imagined I'd be a recipient. God knows I never thought I'd receive all four. I cried in the post office. Could hardly find the door, and I was embarrassed to be caught crying in public like that. I wasn't the only one there on a Saturday.

I made it to my car. All I could do was sit there, shuffling through the four envelopes like a bad poker player who couldn't believe she'd been dealt the luckiest hand she'd ever had. I was too afraid to look away in case my eyes were seeing wrong, and too afraid that I'd offend God by not believing in the good fortune that had come my way.

Keep in mind I'd just won $20 off my baby sister. She had the bad luck of betting against me over the NBA championship. I might be a woman, but I can call a game better than a lot of men. I warned her that there would be no feeling sorry for her because she's younger by 10 years. She should know better. Then O-Bird gave me that apple. That apple was so special.

You see, I love Pink Lady apples more than I like cake, cookies, or cupcakes. I hadn't had an apple in two days. I love apples. I have at least one a day--sometimes two, when I can't help myself. I buy apples every Wednesday after seeing O-Bird, but I was in too much pain to drive to Whole Foods to do my shopping; plus I was all red-eyed and red-nosed from slinging snot mucus to be seen in public. That apple was indescribably delicious. It was juicy, and large, and just the right thing for someone in need of comfort food.

Then, JC was on his way home. I felt bad about that. If not for me, he wouldn't have come home early. Houston is hotter than Kansas. Now he's miserable. He has a lot of body hair, so he has to be miserable when it's this hot. I don't see how men survive. But anyway . . .

So, seeing those four envelopes opened my heart so-o-o wide, I didn't know what to do. I went  through Sunday without saying thank-you. I didn't know how. I didn't don't know how to accept so many generous gifts at once. It's been difficult getting all the nice letters and goodies from everyone, as it is. I am not accustomed to receiving such largesse. I'm more of a giver. The easiest thing in the world for me to do is give. 

Now, here I sit, all red-eyed, snotty-nosed, dry-mouthed and still don't know what to say, because "thank-you" doesn't come close to being enough . . . It's not adequate. How do I say how grateful, how touched, how . . . How I feel?

Will someone help me out here? Please? And, thank you.

With heart-felt gratitude,

This happy-sad-slightly depressed Limner


  1. To be honest - I think your blog said thank you in the most beautiful way ...

  2. Oh goodness now you just stop all that crying cause you are one of the nicest people and I can tell by writing you that you are a happy, nice person . I hope you receive my letter soon there are surprises included . Okay now wipe that nose and stand up straight. This is your friend speaking and that my friend is something in itself.

  3. Limner ~

    I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. Not a pleasant feeling, I know. I will keep you in my prayers and sent positive thoughts your way.I wish there were something more I could do. (Other than the letter and a postcard that are on their way to you.

    Gentle hugs!

  4. You are honestly one of the sweetest ladies I have had the pleasure to meet along the way of blogging and writing letters and sending lots of mail. It is hard not to want to send you wonderful things in the mail, because you appreciate them far more than most. You can truly tell that the little things in life inspire the greatest smiles in you.

    And for the record, while I agree with Hanna, your friendship is a far greater thank you. (Though reading this post gave me a HUGE smile).

  5. Your blog post said it all sweetie :)
    And I hope you fell less depressed today

  6. I read this post on the Pen Thief's blog originally, but I seemed to have missed a crucial element: four distinct envelopes! I'm now more impressed than I was originally! I always have wanted to get my drawing levels to better heights, so I'm singlarly happy seeing anyone who can draw by hand in such great fashion as this! :) I think your being too hard on yourself though -- I mirror what the others have already said! Besides, sometimes its nice that the happiness that you cast out into the world boomerangs back to you as well?

  7. Thanks y'all. I know you're right, but getting Misty's art was akin to being given the keys to a Benz or something. Art--original art--has tremendous value. I'm an artist who started out as a starving artist. Giving away my work vs selling it occasionally meant I went without. Misty's generosity struck a tender nerve. It also shows just how wonderful she is. And talented, and generous, and . . .

    Y'all are all good people. :D Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.